life lessons from my father
Throughout my father’s life, he struggled. He worked incredibly hard, had an unbreakable work ethic, faced some difficult demons, but he persevered – all the time with a mischievous twinkle in his eye and a cheeky grin on his face.
About twelve years ago, my dad started writing letters (by email, no less) to my sister and me on our birthdays. We affectionately termed the letters “love letters to my daughters”. The letters are a written explosion of love, are syrupy sweet, and incredibly thoughtful as they are crafted over the course of a few weeks. The letters represent all the sentiments that my dad feels that he can’t articulate in person – because he thinks that he could never express himself verbally the way that he can in writing and because he says that I would not have the patience to listen (ahem, truth).
The structure of the letter is always the same. It starts out with what a privilege it has been to be my dad – to raise me and love me every day; of how proud he is of me; of what an amazing person I’ve grown into; and of all the many things that he loves about me (the list is long, trust me). Then the letter becomes more reflective of his own life, of the obstacles that he faced, of the paths that he has taken to arrive at where he is today: in a peaceful and happy place, living a simple, but very content life (#lifegoals). Finally, the letter ends with “life lessons” and values that he wants to instil and reinforce in me before he is no longer here earthside with me.
In many ways, the structure of the letter mirrors the structure of a good feedback or coaching session: he talks about my strengths and accomplishments, what he likes and admires most about me, the areas I still need to work on or the lessons I still need to learn, and he ties it all back to the values - what’s most important about living a happy life.
Today is my dad’s 78th birthday. And it’s the first year in as long as I can remember that I’m not able to be with him to celebrate. And so, today, as a tribute to my sweet papa, here are the top life lessons that he has shared with me. I think you’ll find that they’re good reminders for us all:
Live a simple life. Pick up your blessings. Be grateful for all that you have.
Don’t pretend to be someone that you’re not. Let people see the real you. Give up the need to impress others.
Show people that you appreciate them, at every opportunity. This life is short, and it’s best lived with no regrets.
Don’t lose your sense of humour.
Give up the need to be right. Take a page from Wayne Dyer’s book and ask yourself: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?”
Don’t make promises you can’t keep. And don’t say sorry if you don’t mean it.
Be generous, be respectful and lead with kindness. Always.
Live your life from a place of humility, ethics, empathy and integrity.
Give up the past. Forgive.
Tell the people you love, today, because tomorrow isn’t promised
I love you, dad. Thank you for loving me so unconditionally, for believing in me, for always being in my corner and for cheering me on. I pray that you’ll be here for many more years to come because I still have so much to learn from you. I hope to see you soon so that I can hug you real tight ❤️
February 23, 2021
Saira Gangji is an independent licensed Workplace Investigator at hrology in Calgary, AB. She investigates allegations of discrimination and human rights, harassment, violence and misconduct in the workplace. For more information about hrology and our process, see the work with me page.